How to Build Rapport with a Woman


Hey there! My name is Kate Spring and I’m a dating
and relationship coach from the west coast of Canada. As the title of this video suggests, we’re
going to talk about some ways that you can build rapport with a woman. The dictionary defines rapport as a close
and harmonious relationship in which the people or groups concerned understand each other’s
feelings or ideas and communicate well. Tony Robbins defines rapport as total responsiveness
between people. I like both definitions. Rapport is an essential part of human interaction. It’s all about making a connection. If you’ve watched any of my other videos,
you might have heard me talk about the importance of communication and that 93% of communication
is non-verbal and only 7% of communication is verbal, which means that only 7% of the
time that we spend conversing with people is affected by our words. Meaning that what you say has very little
effect on your interpersonal relationships; however, what these percentages highlight
is the importance of how you say things. Rapport is a form of communication. It’s communicating in such a way where the
purpose is to build closeness. So here we’re not so focused on WHAT you
say, but HOW you say it. Before we get any further, be sure to subscribe
to my channel by ringing the bell below and be sure to leave all of your questions in
the comments section below and I’ll be sure to get back to you, personally, as soon as
I can. The short and sweet of it is that rapport
is the key to success in any interpersonal relationship. The first step in creating rapport is to mirror
and match the behavior of your communication partner. Matching and mirroring is a theory that was
developed by Dr. Milton Erickson, an American psychiatrist and psychologist specializing
in medical hypnosis and family therapy. This theory has also been referred to as pacing
and matching, but they both mean the same thing that the goal is to match the other
person’s body language and speech You’re adopting someone else’s style of behavior
to create rapport. This requires that you not only listen with
your ears, but you listen with your entire body and respond. The whole point of creating rapport is to
build trust. That is really the crux in synchronizing your
behavior, creating a connection and ultimately, building attraction. There are three ways that you can effectively
build rapport through matching and mirroring. Those three things are to mirror and match:
your posture, rhythm of breath, and tone. 1. Posture:
What is your communication partner doing with her hands? Is she slouching or seated upright? Is she leaning in to you or leaning away from
you? If she’s slouching, you probably shouldn’t
sit completely erect. If she’s leaning in to you, then lean in
to her, this is a sign of interest and comfort. Take note of a woman’s posture and gestures,
and then match hers. I mean, use discretion here with all of this. If she runs her hands through her hair, don’t
immediately do that same thing, you don’t want her to know that you’re miming her. Your goal is to synchronize your gestures
so that a woman will feel like you are bonded. We’re attracted to people that are similar
to us. Multiple research institutions in Germany
have studied this theory that we like those who are most like us. The researchers studied how 19 men responded
to videos of 21 women’s reactions to either fear or sadness. The male participants watched a video clip
of different women and were asked to identify which emotion the woman was experiencing and
then was asked whether or not they wanted to meet with this woman in real life. The researchers found that the men wanted
to meet the women who they were able to easily identify the emotion that they were experiencing. Basically, the level of attraction that a
man felt for a woman was based on how accurate the participant was in understanding her emotions
in the video. This created a certain level of understanding
between the two, or at least for the man, something that would link them as opposed
to divide them. We like people that we perceive to be like
us, because we understand ourselves and our motivations, which ultimately allows us to
trust people easier who seem more familiar to us. As opposed to those that we don’t really
understand. So mirroring a woman’s body language is
the first way to create a sense of liking. And then the next is an even more subtle gesture. Which is to match her rhythm of breath. 2. Rhythm of Breath:
One of the most effective ways to build rapport with a woman is to harmonize your breath. Match her breathing. The purpose of doing this is to bond you. This can also be the tempo and volume at which
your communication partner speaks. If she is speaking rather slowly and comfortably,
it wouldn’t make sense for you to talk rapidly. Take note of how she’s breathing. Is she taking deep breaths from her diaphragm
or is she taking short breaths from her chest. Whichever one she is doing, take note and
try to adopt her way of breathing into your own. At first, practice building rapport with people
that you’re not necessarily attracted to. Just to get a feel for it, and to really hone
your craft of building rapport before you try it on a girl that you like. That way you can work out all the kinks and
you will become even more subtle when you’re infiltrating someone’s subconscious mind. 3. Tone/ energy:
Our last step is to match the tone and energy level of your speaker. The tone is the general character or attitude
of a situation. If the girl that you’re talking to is soft
spoken, it would make sense for you to match her tone and not over power her with a loud
rambunctious one. This is subtle and it makes the other person
feel comfortable and like they’re being understood. This is the most effective way to build rapport. It’s never really what you say, but it’s
how you say it. If you say something horrendous, but do so
in a joking or sarcastic tone, that changes the entire meaning of the message. However, if you say something horrendous with
conviction, then the message is horrendous. For example, “I hate you!” “I hate you..”;) Tone is everything, so practice matching peoples
tone and pace in your day to day conversations. That way, when you are trying to build rapport
with a girl that you like, it will be much easier because you’ve had practice. You also want to take note of tempo. If the girl that you’re building rapport
with speaks slowly, and methodically, then slow down your pace. If you quicken yours and she is more relaxed,
you will seem nervous. Also, if your communication partner is introverted,
it would not help for you to act as an extrovert. You want to make her feel comfortable by showing
her that you and her are similar. And here the best way to do so is to highlight
your similarities in your communication practices. Alright, you guys, once you manage to introduce
the PRT Rapport Building System into your dating tool box, you’re well on your way
to building a deep and lasting rapport with any woman that you want. This is how you build connections and ultimately
attraction by creating a sense of similarity between the two of you and trust. That’s all I have for you today, YouTube! Thanks for tuning in and I’ll see you in
my next video.

58 thoughts on “How to Build Rapport with a Woman

  1. That is so true… Wish i would take action though rather than only watching videos ๐Ÿ˜‰ I cannot convince myself. Actually to be honest i don't like some stuff because it seems very probable to work, though i hate to think that it might be used for manipulative purposes, that doesn't make me feel right at all.

  2. Great advice! I also realize that I do this subconsciously sometimes. Especially when it comes to rate of speech. And women do this also as well to guys. It's not just a guy thing. It's actually an innate feeling we all have that naturally makes us want to mimic the people we like in an attempt for them to like us as well. The need of belongingness I think

  3. Hey Kate, thanks! Also Could you make a video on how to talk to a girl on tinder/match/bumble and spark attraction to get the phone number and set up a first date eventually?

  4. Jebus! You know, the more I watch your videos the more I realize how complicated dating is, which is probably why I'm still single lol. This is too much for my tiny brain to deal with — got any good dad jokes I can tell the ladies to get a good chuckle? Women love to laugh ๐Ÿ˜ƒ

  5. I like to try to mimic emotions with women too. Even if I have no common interests with her, I can still relate to the feelings and passions she is giving off when she's talking about her interests (whether they're good, bad, sad, negative, positive, or indifferent). Essentially it's a full proof way to connect with a women under-the-radar, cause you don't have to fake it. for example, if I'm macking on a girl who likes to knit scarfs (something I know nothing about), I can feel the emotions or certain passion she is sending off when talking about those scarfs and try to relate to those specific feelings. So I'll tell her a story about me and sports (something I know a lot about) in a manner which makes me feel the same way she feels about knitting. it's a great way to indirectly fly under her BS alarms and build rapport cause I'm being sincere and not trying to fake my intentions and come on too strong to her like a lot of guys who run out of things to say after a corny pick-up line.
    I'm no pick up artist, nor do I intend to try to take advantage of women. Just an idea that I hope helps you guys out. Open for constructive criticism

  6. Hi Kate, thanks for getting back, I will be in touch w/ you ~pressed for time now , like what you have to share.Jay.

  7. Hi. I am always successful at starting a conversation with my ex on a high note, with interesting stuff. I am facing problem with getting the conversation to flow and leaving her wanting more. Help! ๐Ÿ™‚

  8. I've got a real question. There's a girl in my school she was interested in me but I didn't see it at first and when I did it was kinda too late. I didn't start any conversations. She lost interest. Do you think if I start talking to her now maybe she would be interested again?

  9. i have no idea what to talk about with women. so all the tips work up until the actual conversation, and than im doomed.. like always. and im 28 and i look good. T-T

  10. Hey Kate I have a question (feel free everyone to answer).
    I dated a girl who approach to me a month ago, she accepted on have a drink somewhere so everything seemed amazing.
    All changed when right at the moment of the date she didnt come, I asked her and she told me that she felt asleep due to she was really tired. Now, what should I do?
    This happened two weeks ago and we didnt talk anymore, I didnt took it personal, this things can happen..
    I thought that the next step whould be she to say something about our missing date and maybe search for another day or moment.. She did not talk since that day anymore..
    Is this a lost cause? (She came to me in a party and I assumed she was interested so.. I dont know I'm confused.
    Thanks!!! (Everyone can answer!!!)

  11. Hey Kate! Gotta question. Sooo this girl I think likes me talked to me about her personal life and asked personal questions. I gave her a card for her bday and shortly after I told her I liked her ( like two days after) she didnโ€™t bring up the card to me but when I was telling her how I liked her and that I was nervous, she had a huge smile and wide eyes and said thanks and that we can talk more. Feels kinda iffy to me. Any insight?

  12. Kate quick question. Basically I was building rapport with this girl today at my local farmers market. It was going well. I asked her out, but she has a dude. And on the way out, we ran into each other again and the conversation was great. Should I have attempted to get her number just to keep in touch, though she has a dude? Your thoughts?

  13. Hello. I need some guidance with a situation that I am having quite often. My ex girlfriend keeps looking at me with a sad look every day in the morning and she has become even closer friends with my current girlfriend, and sits near me on the bus every so often. Can you please help me understand all this? Please?

  14. Thank you! This video was very helpful. I am very shy have not been with anyone for over 9 years. Having trouble talking to women!

  15. Well i ended up dating someone i never thought – always been tall, confident and in good shape but let me tell you that doesnt get you the girl for you in most cases ๐Ÿ™‚

    Show care, enjoy the moment, dress well, act decent aswell as dont lean too much into it at first ๐Ÿ˜€

    Went from going to the bar with my pals every weekend to considering buying a house, get a bigger car etc. ๐Ÿ™‚ But wait however long it takes to meet the special someone dont be hasty ๐Ÿ™‚

  16. Hey Kate, thereโ€™s a girl in one of my uni classes Iโ€™ve been wanting to talk to for a long time. Every time I pop out of the class (testing if she looks) and come back in she always looks at me and we both make eye contact but I always break it asap. not sure if this is a small sign sheโ€™s interested in me. From this only would you recommend me go and start a conversation? Thanks

  17. I would like to ask how to start a conversation directly over text. In my situation I don't have the girl's phone number but we do follow each other on Instagram. We study in same college but in different departments so there is a real small chance of us to meet in person and I will get a chance to ask her number. Please guide me on how to start and take it forward.

    Thank you.

  18. There is this girl that I like,and she is in a relationship with someone,and I dint know that she was taken,when I asked her out,she wanted to go out with me,and after a month one day when I told her that I have feelings for her,she was like she dis not have any feelings for me but even now everyday she looks at me with those eyes that she does have feelings for me she was probably lying because I put her in a tough spot which to choose between me and her guy with whom she is in a relationship with..
    What do I do now,I really want her to be mine…
    Someone please let me know what should I do

  19. You tell everyone what to do. Then they follow your instructions. Then finally they end up getting hurt. Then they never ever want to be in a relationship ever again. That's what happened to me. You see guys who are successful; everyone runs after them. When you fall down, nobody stands beside you. People don't always get the girl they want. So shut the hell up.

  20. I know you help guys with these relationship tips, but do you think they can be used for a woman seeking a woman?

  21. A woman started working at my place of employment 2 weeks ago. Right from day one, shes been coming to me for everything.I always help her, even giving her a ride to and from work during the latest snowstorm. She texts me at night, usually to thank me and say goodnight, and she brings food for me to work. Ive never believed in love at first sight, but this sort of thing never happens to me. I really feel a strong attraction to her already. My issue is, i cant tell if shes just being nice or if shes interested in me. Shes only been in the US for 7 years, so maybe its in her culture to do what shes doing?? Im going forward with courting her, but im allowing her to contact me rather than me constantly calling and texting. Its also kind of awkward to date a coworker, something i said i would never do. I do have a rollercoaster of emotions, but i do have the strength to hide them.

  22. I need help, I asked this girl to our senior prom and sheโ€™s on the quite side, weโ€™re not exactly friends but she said yes and I need help to break the ice with here and get to know her better before we go so the night isnโ€™t to awkward and maybe start a relationship with her

  23. Hello Kate! I really appreciate your advices. I had a really fun day with the girl I like last Saturday. We met at a local activity, hours of one on one talking, spent time with friends at there, eat a dinner in private, after the activity she invited me to drink with her close friend and her friend's boyfriend etc. But I'm still not sure if she's into me or only regarding me as a friend. Since then (3 days now) we haven't called or texted to each other. I don't know if she's waiting me to communicate first. Also I don't want to look like an impatient person (you warned about not being overeager and let her wonder in one of your videos). So you have any suggestions?

  24. Hii Kate hope your doing great, I have a question I'm a confident person and I dress well and everythings well but I still don't have a gf, I live in Lebanon so do u think the problem might be that I'm direct and girls here are afraid of the society ?

  25. Hey Kate. I once asked you about how to get over my break up. Your advice helped me a lot. It's been almost a year. Now there's a new girl I like at my office who joined just recently. I somehow gathered my strength and spoke to her. We spoke for around 10 mins. But that day my body language was not so good.
    So I wanted to ask you about how to go and talk to her again.. as it is a work place so you know what might be the problems. What to do and what not to?

  26. Okay so this comment is a question. I am friends with this girl I work with. We became friends after I got turned down by her around 7 or 8 months ago. I was wondering, since it seems like things have changed between the two of us is it alright to ask her out again or is this a bad call?

  27. Hello, Kate
    It's been a pleasure to learn from you, and I must say that the things you tell us to do and not to do really matter a lot to women. For people like me, you are an angel!
    If you have any point to keep in mind, specifically for places like India, would you mind helping us with them?

  28. I wouldn't put much stock in the juvenile comments, you've put yourself out there and are doing a great job at coaching.

  29. My teachers say that all the time,"it's not what you say it's how you say it" didn't know it applied to relationships

  30. Thanks I don't believe I can express it enough . Even if the techniques or lack of a better word the information Ive attained from you is a blessing . Because like you said tone is every thing .Because I have a more mono tone voice I have to speak louder so it doesn't sound like I'm mumbeling . But the point I was trying to make is that because of your tone and how you use your linguistics for how you present the information I just sounds more understandable or its maybe easier to process the information because of how you present it I have ADD so I process things differently than some people . To make along story short . I appreciate your time and I got more from this one video than the rest of them . You have value and worth . Again thanks !!!!๐Ÿ˜‰

  31. Love your channel and a subscriber but your Victoria Secret look has to go for a more professional outfit. Your sharper than this to stoop to this level.

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