PORTAL 3?!? (It’s Not) | Bridge Constructor Portal #1


*Wapoosh* Top of the morning to you laddies! My name is Jacksepticeye And welcome to Bridge Constructor Portal Bit of a weird one because a little while ago, there was teasings and musings and mutterings Of a new portal game to be announced And everyone’s like: “Are they actually going to announce Portal 3?” And everyone was waiting around for it, then all of a sudden, Bridge Constructor Portal came out And everyone was like: “Whaaaat?” including myself But it looks cool! The screenshots and the trailer and the gifs and everything All look very very nice. The aesthetic, at least, is *mwah* perfect And I’ve played Bridge Constructor before already It’s from the same people who play- who made Bridge Constructor itself But now it’s Bridge Constructor with portals So same- same thing. I build bridges, I try and get over it, ya’know But it’s in the Portal aesthetic, which is absolutely great It’s absolutely fantastic. I love this stuff. This is how, like the HTC vive and everything was Um, “So, you want to be reassigned as Chief Custodian for the Aperture Science Vehicular Hurdling initiative?” The ASVHI “Is there another position available?” “Yes! For science!” Of course! “That’s the spirit! We admire your principles, so long as they’re ours” “I am required by protocol to conduct an interview with you. It will contain one question. Are you ready?” Ehh, what’s the question going to be? “The question… Wait, are you trying to be funny? Well, here’s a funny question for ya: Will a body fall slower through warm air? Try it out and send me a smoke signal.” “But…” What? Ohh I get it. Okay So I have to answer correctly. Okay, yes “Suit yourself. Now tell me, what would you like to- what would you do if life gave you lemons?” “I’d ma- I’d make life take the lemons back!” But like what Cave Johnson over here would say! I would BURN your house down! With the lemons! “Any Johnsons in your family tree? That’s the kind of Chief Custodian attitude we need! “Now get back to your desk and make us proud” Thank you! Imma take my little hard hat and go I mean, the hard hat is for a sphere- spherical head But I only have a 2D head, but yay! We did it! Cute! I hope it has- well, it already has some of the cool Portal music, but “Don’t get too cozy reading construction magazines. “It’s time to get started” “Enrichment Center regulations require that all trainees pass a battery of custodial proficiency tests. “Don’t worry, we’ll be securely withholding your paychecks during this probationary period” Okay Music’s cool! “This series of test chambers will test your construction and deduction skills “Are you ready to earn your Golden Chief Custodian Hat?” You bet your sweet glorious golden ass I am! As long as it’s not too hard. As long as I can just have a bit of fun, you know what I’m saying? “Click to start” Okay Awwh, I didn’t know you were actually going to have full lines and everything- GLaDOS! I missed you, baby. *chuckles* So that’s actually Ellen McLain, The lady who did GLaDOS’ voice- cuz this’s like a full Valve-backed Portal game. Which is kinda weird, but I’m into it, and it makes perfect sense. Okay!! Okay, I-I’mma try that, I can do that. No problem. O-ho, Oh GLaDOS. Never lose that wit. Okay. “Right click on component or joint-” oh, 2 times click. Okay! I AM quite destructive. Alrighty, do I have to use this? Ohh! Hello! Okay. I know how to do this I know how to build a bridge, okay? I’ve built many. Bridge Constructor. Polybridge. Other games with bridges. Jeff Bridges. I did this wrong. Okay. That’s kinda cool. Woah! Neato!! Okay. Go test vehicle! Please make it- LOOK at these party animals! Flawless. Flawless, perfect bridge. Wait, it said passed one of six “You wastefully spent ten thousand, one hundred dollars.” Alright I think I’m just gonna call it a day there- packed up, let’s go, let’s go home- it’s all done, it’s over, I did it, I’m the fucking best But just in case we have to do more- let’s hit “next level” This is fun! I like this! I love this aesthetic. It’s- It’s a- very, very nice *robot voice* Thank you, GLaDOS *robot voice* Are you still there? Aight. Cool. Ahh, I see it, so you just go- *noises* awuh- wuh- wait, what? Are you- Are you proud of me? Are you proud of everything I’ve accomplished in my life right now? “We are sorry to interrupt for an unimportant message. This is a menu.” Oh. Cool.. Likin’ it. Likin’ it, feelin’ it, into it. C’mon my little bridge dudes! Glorious. Glorious. Oh you’re travelling very fast. YIPEE-KAI-YAY, motherfucker! That was pretty good. *minimum-effort singing* We got a great big convoy, ain’t she a beautiful sight *singing continues* We got a great big convoy *effort level drops* …Ain’t she a beautiful sight *chorus* Cooonvooy~ Lookatim go!!! *mumbles* little wavey dude Fuck yes! The best a man can get! Just like Gillette! Oh, this is different. Whattaya d- *cut off by GLaDOS* Do I actually have to start using portals, cuz that would be SO cool YES! NICE! Hey wait, you’re insulting me! *mimicking GLaDOS* “First, build the roadway for the bridge b-” Okay. Uhm I’m just gonna build a roadway. Like- this. That does NOT look like it would work. Cool. Okay, so- oahhh, here we go, look at this- Look at that bubblegum tape! I can’t send him through yet! No! I have to build this! He’s just going to go through and die! How dare you. How dare you- you’re gonna get my guy killed! You’re going this on purpose, GLaDOS! NOOOOO! Oh God, it’s just throwing me into it. Ohhhkay I can do this, no problem. Watch. Watch- You got a road. That’s fine. You just suspend some cables- And you got it, you got it good. You got it there, Jimbo! Look at this shit! LOOK at that bubblegum tape everywhere! YOU get a bubblegum tape, YOU get a bubblegum tape- everybody gets a bubblegum tape! Oh, hold it together, Bessie. Hold it together and we’ll all be happy. Okay. Convoy that shit. I only need to get three- get three across. There’s one. There’s two. Look at my boys GO! GO, fellas!!! I need to get that excellent *pronounced in French* Fuck yeh That’s how we Bridge Constructor a portal OH mother a’ God You don’t need to, Glay-do I know how to do it! Ohhh… *small gasp* It’s different than I expected. Uh oh So I need to go into blue, Come down here, go super fast out of red- okay. Let’s do this. I got this. I got this. And everybody at home worrying: stop that. stop stop the worrying. Why are- why are you worried? You- you’re worried about ME? Don’t worry about me. Let me whatever wanna do. Okay? You’re about to see some serious speed go on in this tunnel. Kay, and I’m gonna raise it up a small bit at the start… Cuz then you start gettin’ that speed GOIN’. WATCH this shit. ARE you watching? Super speed, super speed, super SPEED! HAHA!! I don’t even care, I’m letting the convoy go through I’m letting all 6 Because she can take it! Look at ’em all go! That’s super fun I like that. Okay moving on That’s what I like to see. Self five Oh god I punched something. Don’t punch things. Okay level 5 Ohh… you go babubababoombaba. *singing* This is a bridge that I’d like to be on, it makes me feel so proud that I built it. *continues singing* There’s a floor and a roof and some archways to support it. *continues singing* We go in the blue, out the blue yellow purple and home That was a good song me That was a good song Very good song, thank you me Drive- DON’T don’t doN’T drive Don’t drive! Don’t drive. We must stop this. STOP! We must stop the experiment! There’s no road! There we go. Boom, Boom. Now go! Send in the clowns Send ’em in. Go, go next one. There you go. Attaboy, attaboy Nice, NICE. And home… osapiens Go. Convoy that shit. Convoy it. Very nice. Very nice. You see, when you use physics and your genius and your brain you can accomplish great things That and the fact it’s very apparent if you’ve ever seen any bridge ever I did it, I’m so proud of my brain. My big bulbous brainy raisin. I call it Braisins Okay things are gonna start getting complicated Yeah, that’s what I was saying. You didn’t understand? oh. Don’t worry. In time you will. You’ll get it You’ll figure it out. Umm right so.. down here See Bu-uh-boom Umm… yeah… See what happens if I just use my… use my brains here to um What? What happens if you do this? That’s… oh wait if I, okay this road is built over here so if I move you So this is more even. So if I get the car to just go down here and then build a road that gets out over the top then you should be ok So if I can build you… up… like so That should work a treat, let’s test that Ohh wait wait wait wait wait wait wait… you’re not connected to anything So now test Boom okay And then I build a road over this way like… Okay maybe if I make you a bit more shallow Like so Then build you up, I GOT THIS! Man I love it when my brain kicks in Oh I just love it And then you- I can attach wires to that, and to that, and maybe to this I don’t think I have a budget- test! Good test Okay now drive, drive. It’s not gonna work yet, I’m just testing this out. Watch. Science Science!… Euoghhhhh Oh god. Are you gonna do it?! NOPE! Okay back to the drawing board We’ll see if she holds. Come on little shadow people! I dunno what else to call ya. There we go Nice! There was a lot of stresses and strains there Out over that one, very nice, very nice. Hit this angle, hit this angle, oh yeah! Okay let’s see if the convoy makes it, not a fuckin hope Not a hope in hell but we’re gonna try our best, oh wait Hold on a minute, aha Oh there’s a lot of stresses and strains on this one here, it’s making me nervous, but she’s gonna do it! Look at ’em go! My god that looks cool Awhh maaaan. It was too much We only got 4 across, now everyone must melt and die Because you guys haven’t made it you melt and you die, okay? Melt for Jack There you go, remember what happens. Alright, what you got for me next? Something simple? Yeah Okay Okay okay Yeah yeah yeah there’s a list of best practices where you can go in and you can see all this stuff. I don’t care about that right now I want to try and build a marvellous piece of machinery Just a marvellous piece of construction needs to happen right now And ah… shite Not too bad Ummm yes See I need to cushion it You don’t want to just build the road anywhere so it just hits it. It probably will survive anyway but you need to start You need to start cushioning the blow whenever that happens Because if it comes in too hot at too steep an angle it’s gonna break And I just need to start creating more of these And I also need- triangles are your friend! When it comes to bridges, triangles are your friend And the better the angle of the triangle The more it’s gonna work out for ya Test that She’s a little wonkaroo there but I feel like we’re gonna be able to make it Out you go, out ya go. There you go Oh yeah! Oh yeah, the stresses and strains Might have been a bit bad for this, but you know what, we can reinforce this We can reinforce everyt- NO! reinforce everything down here Once this is done, this will now Will now substitute the pressure that’s coming down on this one and we can convoy this bitch Maybe not but we’ll at least be able to be a lot stronger Watch this one, watch this one, this should be less red this time Fuckin beautiful Fuckin beautiful It’s a lot less red, and you know what? This actually has proper physics in it Because when that was bouncing down and when it came back up it was hitting- The upwards pressure hitting the downwards momentum was starting to cancel each other out So while it was bringing it down it was pushing it down and when the next one came it would cancel it out again So it would just keep going and going and going So it actually had less pressure than when the first car hit it Because it was cancelling itself out, like uhhh I dunno. I’m trying trying to think of an example in my head but let’s do a little one more I like it! Physics are fun! Okay Yeahh, so I need to get a car to go across here, there’s gonna have to be a gap And then more road over here to get you through this And the gap then you’re gonna have to fall down through and come up here And hopefully have a little bit of momentum but we’re gonna have to Yeah I’m probably not gonna do that Right okay This is all just gonna be a bunch of tests I’m gonna have to test to see how this works. Road road road road. Okay and then Ahhh that’s not what I wanted to do, sarge. Test There we go- oh wait no. I didn’t do you yet Because this is the same as when you put the arch on the top The whole idea is that they all pull and push against each other but they don’t move Because they’re all supporting each other one way or another I could’ve just put a piece there Okay let’s test this part out first. I have to se if you get across this at all yet Ohh yes You’re not stuck in anything you fucking glitched! The pressure of this went down then the back wheels got caught in the thing and it clipped through it, that shouldn’t happen Over ya go Fuck. Go go go Go go go go, niiice And then where does the road need to be? Okay I can solve this, I can fix this don’t even worry about it. Alright this should be enough here Whether it’s actually gonna catch the thing, and if the wheels are gonna be in the right place- that is yet TBD To be determined Come on boys, come on boys. Yes that’s the speed That’s the speed. Now get up. Now wheels down, wheels down, wheels down! Go lads, go, yes! That’s my boys! Whoa how awesome was that?! Okay convoy, let’s see what the convoy does I’m glad you only ned to get one through to make it work This is gonna be interesting because the oscillation there Okay There’s enough time between them all, this might work This is NOT gonna work, this is gonna break Shit, SHIT AHHH NO! GO GO GO FUCK Okay, yeah. Whoa wowowow this guy came back through! Go again! No you’re going the other way! Dude turn around! Oh that was fun Okay well I’m gonna leave this first episode of Bridge Constructor Portal here Very very fun It takes 2 things I really like. I like the bridge constructing type games, especially this one because it didn’t get too convoluted Poly bridge got very very hard after a while, that I couldn’t even do it anymore But I also love- I just love construction games and little physics games and everything But I also love Portal, like A LOT So to have both of them together is a really nice marriage And also I’ve always liked this little style All the tutorial videos in a lot of Portal-esque stuff or even steam stuff these days is all based around these little guys When I got the HTC Vive the first time a lot of the demos that they’re showing you on how to put things together in the tutorials And room set ups and everything use these ones And it’s the same in the Steam VR demos It uses a lot of these little guys and the miniverses and everything that you can pick up and look at So I’ve always wanted more to do with these. And now we actually have a full game based around them which makes me happy So I like it a lot You can go and get it for yourselves on Steam, it is a paid game it’s not free or anything But I’ll leave a link in the description as always for you to be able to go play it for yourselves But for now Thank you guys so much for watching this episode If you liked it- punch that like button in the face… LIKE A BOSS And high fives all around *WHAPOOSH* *WHAPOOSH* Thank you guys, and I’ll see all you dudes, IN THE NEXT VIDEO! Type type type, I’m a worker boy!

100 thoughts on “PORTAL 3?!? (It’s Not) | Bridge Constructor Portal #1

  1. We got a great big convoy ain’t she a beautiful site we great big convoy trucking though the night. Convoy

  2. why did you sing a song out of the papers please music thing? thing rhitnhitnitngini nno. u don't have to tell me im just saying i noticed it.

  3. Don't y'love how he talks about physics and whats proper physics and whats not….. in a game with portals that trucks with 2D paper men go threw lmao?

  4. Come on join our convoy nothing gona get in our way we gona roll this trucking convoy across the usa

  5. something i dislike in this game is that the linked portals both have the same color, not one the opposite

  6. I love how Jack almost went with a clickbait title, but just couldn’t bring himself to do it. That’s our big , green, honest boy!

  7. did u know dis is the order of the portal series (including modes) portal preaputure then portal then portal stories mel them portal2 then aputure tag then i fergot he last games name but it s a continueation of portal 2

  8. One of the characters from the beginning mentioned "aperture science enrichment center" (but they changed the name a bit to fit the game) which is the main area in Portal and Portal 2.

  9. portal 3 isnt coming because they havent released a trailer. the only trailer is a fan made trailer that crushed alot of portal fans hearts because they thought it was actually coming. Just thinking about it while u think about the want you gone song from portal 2 is sad

  10. At the end the guy saw his friends dining and he was like “nope I quit” and went back Through the portal and went back to the beginning

  11. Had to resub and bell that shit!
    Yer like an old friend.
    This is for sure, a portal entry. I'm havin ta learn!
    It gets very puzzling.
    Gotta luv it!

  12. I just bought 70 million dollars in moon rocks, ground them up mixed, them into a gel. Turns out moon rocks are pure poison… I am deathly ill.

  13. Why did they never make portal for the PS4? It would’ve been a smash hit, I’ve always wanted to play the portal games but haven’t been able to since have never owned a pc/laptop Powerful Enough To play any games

  14. Like pretend If you have a score your score is 0 suddenly you got a power up now your score is 1 but you hit a spike and minuses 1 so your score is 0. Constantly +1,-1,+1,-1 on and on 1+0=1-1=0+1=1-1=0
    +1. -1. +1. -1. 0. A net of zero

  15. It's not possible to have a portal 3 in the second one the lab was destroyed… But there might be more labs that would be really weird but cool

  16. When i i got the info of a vid i might plike called portal 3 i was happy cuz im big fan and i wish for more games of the portal seires and one like = 1 pray

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